AWKWARD...

Do you ever have one of those moments where your stuck in a hole and are trying desperately to dig yourself out??? In one of my previous blogs I have mentioned the unemployment hearing that I needed to attend in order to keep receiving my unemployment benefits...

Well... that hearing was today...

Picture this: Your sitting around a table... unemployment hearing referee at the head of the table, your previous bosses sitting right across from you and their human resources counsler sitting at the end of the table... AWKWARD...

Thank goodness my wonderful husband was there for support... even though he didn't say a word throughout the hearing, he definitely helped me with my confidence. Its something about having your best friend with you through a rough moment that makes it feel like the every things going to be okay, even though the outcome is unknown. The hardest part was that I felt that I was being thrown under the buss... I had planned to work until I had my daughter but God had other plans. I was "Layed off" or "fired" when I was six months pregnant. I talked to serveral employers in the area but sadly couldn't find another job... I don't blame anyone for not wanting to hire someone who's pregnant and going to be taking leave in 3 months anyway.

My last resort was to file for unemployment benefits... I guess my previous bosses didn't think I deserved it. I am proud of myself... I feel that I handled myself with dignity and poise. I tried to be respectful and hold my emotions inside.

The referee was very kind and kept the hearing moving at a good pace. Not allowing us to ramble on about useless information. I noticed when your under alot of stress you tend to ramble or say things you shouldn't. Thats where I kept my mouth shut and ears open (yeah amazing, right??) Proverbs 10: 19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."

I am glad God put me in this situation today... Even though it was emotionally straining and stressful, I learned a lot about character. I learned how some people will say things to hurt or belittle someone just to make themselves look good. I also learned that body language can sometimes speak louder than words and your tone can be like a dagger.

This lead me to dig into the bible and see what God could tell me.

Proverbs 12:18 " Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing"

Healing... what an amazing word... so easy to say, but hard to feel. Once you've been torn, its hard to sew back together. I know my healing process is going to take time, dedication and constant prayer. I also must remember to be wise with what I say. I do not want to do to others what has been done to me.

Proverbs 12:19 "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment"

I know in my heart that I told the truth today and can only hope that my employers can sleep tonight... It hurts to think that I would have thought better of them. Even though we don't know what impact we have on people I can only hope that I am thought of as a truthful young women of God. We all make mistakes, we all have lied at some point in our lives. Even though it is hard to forgive someone who has lied or cheated, it is also very important to remember that we need to forgive, push past and move on....

I'm going to try to be the bigger person and forgive but I need prayer... It is going to be hard but I know it has to happen in order for me to begin the healing process...